4 comments

  1. Fabulous piece. Thanks for posting. I think it’s important to be able to learn and move on from losses.

    Charlie Ryan, who was mayor of Springfield in the early 1960s and then again in the 2000s, was fond of saying “That’s baseball” about losing a race or debate. You lose, you learn, you pick up and play again the next day. You don’t need to hold grudges.

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  2. This is a terrific piece, and I do think Ms. Kruger has caught the nub of the problem with her use of the term “social trust”. I continue to point to the failure in our metaphorical public square to develop regularized and respectful face-to-face discussion between people of differing viewpoints about future goals and objectives of the town (perhaps most usefully followed by congenial consumption of adult beverages in private). Our election campaigns, and our sterile candidate forums, simply do not fill the bill; they are disappointingly like high school student council “debates”, with previewed questions and stilted, prepared responses. We don’t have occasions for prominent residents who’ve given some thought to our future to converse with one another, in some sort of free-form manner, IN PUBLIC. This is ironic, given that the word “conversation” is now the most overused word in our public discourse in Town Council and School Committee meetings. Whenever I hear the word uttered, I immediately think to myself, “Conversation? Where? When?” It’s simply not happening. Instead, we’ve all become enormously skilled propagandists, jumping to the scathingly effective rhetorical flourish that will shut down the speakers on the other side. And, to the extent that we’ve let it run on for the past six or seven years, we’ve done substantial damage to the resource that we desperately need: social trust. (As a matter of faith, rather than knowledge, I actually believe that social trust once existed in Town Meeting, decades ago.) Now I’m not sure that we have any mutual respect at the grass roots to begin slowly to trust one another again. I’m reminded of an insight I had some time ago: the moment that one truly knows that one fully lives in a “community” is that point when one sadly, bitterly, and regretfully loses arguments on matters one cares about. How to shake that off and move on as our best selves is a challenge that we haven’t fully met yet.

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  3. Yes, to all the suggestions made above. Based on my experience as a town councilor, I would like to add the following insights:

    Obstacles to Effective Conflict Resolution:

    Leading with a solution: When faced with a problem that the council and/or the community wants to resolve, it’s common to jump straight to proposing a solution. While immediate action may be necessary in situations where harm is ongoing, it’s crucial to understand the underlying causes and conditions that allowed the situation to arise in the first place. We need to ask ourselves: Was there a breakdown in the process, its implementation, or the people involved?

    Judgment and blame: Without knowing what is causing the problem, we may be solving for the wrong problem. When someone asks questions to gain more insight, they are often met with judgment and blame, which shifts the conversation away from problem-solving and leads to defensive behaviors and shutting down of dialogue.

    Not listening to lived experiences: On the other hand, dismissing people’s lived experiences is equally problematic. It’s rightfully frustrating and traumatizing for those who have been suffering and feel unheard.

    A Compassion-Based Approach:

    In an article I had submitted to the Gazette, I propose a 5-step process rooted in compassion for both residents and councilors:

    1. Take a compassionate pause: When triggered, place a hand on your heart and acknowledge your emotions and others’ emotions in the moment (e.g., grief, frustration, confusion, deep sadness for those who can’t see each other’s suffering, etc.). This awareness can help us respond constructively rather than reactively.
    2. Define the Problem: What are we truly trying to solve?
    3. Gather Lived Experiences: Consult those directly affected.
    4. Investigate Root Causes: Consult experts, learn the history, and understand complexity.
    5. Seek Sustainable Solutions: Formulate resolutions/policies that go beyond quick fixes and promote the well-being of all involved.

    Council Process Improvements:

    In terms of council processes, I would suggest:

    • Setting the tone and expectations: Starting meetings by acknowledging the suffering and collectively affirming discussion norms grounded in respect and assuming good intent. 
    • Communicate the legal limitations: If the conversation entails information that the council cannot legally share or doesn’t have privy to, it should be clearly communicated to the public.
    • Council Trainings: Every council should go through leadership trainings such as anti-racism, active listening, and de-escalation techniques
    • Appointing an ombuds or facilitators: If the town manager and the town council don’t feel equipped to handle a difficult situation,  experts can be hired
    • District meetings: Holding more open forums and small group discussions to allow nuanced dialogue
    • Co-create a compassionate process with the community that will create a safe space for all to speak and be heard.

    Call to Collective Action:

    In conclusion, we all want change. But we don’t want to change.

    I hope this article in Amherst Current encourages us all to reflect on what each of us can do differently to be the change we want to see. I also hope the town councilors read this and, when the Governance, Organization, and Legislation Committee (GOL) has time, discuss the legislative process guide that I created and shared with them. 

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